so much

When you drop your first child off at college, there are an endless number of things you could blog about - the chaos of moving day; the stereotypical tumultuous summer prior to; the roller coaster of emotions of emptiness and loss to excitement and pride, of all parties involved I might add. The list goes on and on. It is hard for me to choose and I certainly don't want to write about all of it - too emotionally drained to even THINK about doing that.

What I think I do want to remember is the feeling of relief as I reflect on all of it, mostly because it is so unexpected. I thought I would be crying like a baby overwhlemed with my own sense of loss when I hugged and kissed her and said goodbye to those beautiful blue eyes til who knows when. Instead, I watched her scurry out of the drizzly weather and off to her new life last night without looking back even once. We got out of the rain too and headed home after three days of parent orientation/information sessions and a ridiculous number of trips to her new 11x13 abode. And I didn't cry at all. I just wanted to recap all of the great things that we had the privelege and honor to observe first hand: her roommate and she seemed to be getting along great, she was getting to know others in the hall and her orientation group, she was taking charge and managing her crazy schedule and had already taken part of a few freshman traditions. And I smiled.

And then I was reminded of a similar milestone that happened exactly 15 autumns ago when I dropped her off at preschool in a new building with complete strangers where she new nobody, and I mean nobody. She kissed me and smiled and never looked back even once. And that feeling of relief , also unexpected all those years ago, enveloped me like a warm and comfy blanket then too.

She's gonna be fine. Better than fine. And we will be too.